Unless you've been living under a rock in a galaxy far, far away, you've probably heard that the last installment in the Harry Potter movie series premieres this week. What you probably haven't heard is that online book retailer Lulu.com has a special promotion running this week that'll get you 20% off any order. Just enter the word BIG at checkout and save some green! You can use it to purchase a paperback or eBook copy of my novel, "Crawl" or maybe even some Harry Potter books, if you haven't read them yet (for shame)!
Since it's "All Things Harry Potter" week pretty much everywhere there's some semblance of civilization, I thought I'd join in on the fun. Though they seem to do this every weekend, the ABC Family channel had a Harry Potter marathon on over the last few days. I've heard the titles so many times that they almost start to lose meaning. So as I was watching them for the umpteenth time, I started to think of new titles for them, titles that represented either my favorite scenes or most memorable differences from the books. This is what I came up with:
1) Harry Potter and the Troll Bogies
2) Harry Potter and the Letter Opener (honestly, was Gryffindor a goblin? That sword was barely bigger than a wand!)
3) Harry Potter and the Anorexic Werewolf (or Harry Potter and Doctor Who, if you prefer David Tennant as the Doctor instead of Barty Crouch Ju-nee-or the Death-Eater)
4) Harry Potter and the Boob Hats (makes me laugh like a 12-year-old boy every time)
5) Harry Potter and the Awkward Teenage Groping
6) Harry Potter and the...Wait, Are These Kids Even Going to Class Anymore?
7) Harry Potter and the Death of Pretty Much Everyone Else That Was Still Alive: Parts 1 and 2
What do you think, did I hit the mark? Do you have any suggestions for alternate titles? Leave them in the comments below!
~VK
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Monday, July 11, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Mad Libs Winner!
Earlier this week, I posted the three entries for the Mad Libs contest. After much deliberation, I have decided on a winner! Here is Keith's entry:
The redundant, rigor-mortis-induced, mottled purple Fairly Oddparent galloped up the hill to visit the feverish Princess. Unfortunately, the Princess was out whimpering over word counts, so the Fairly Oddparent went to Anchorage, Alaska and made some illustrious Starbucks.
While the other two submissions were hilarious in their own right, I had to go with Keith's for two reasons:
1) "whimpering over word counts" made me laugh out loud every time I read it
2) For some reason, I like to think that this is how Sarah Palin got to Alaska
Now, to the victor go the spoils! While I don't have much in the way of swag, I will gladly post a shout out for Keith's blog, "The Midnight Creepshow." From Keith's profile - Forty something, once was Dick Smith student now living the dream with my family on our horse farm. Hoping to be a published writer someday and a collected artist perhaps.
It's a fairly new blog with some promising writing by way of his short story, "Last Stop." And Keith clearly has good taste in horror movies, as his blog post shows. So stop by The Midnight Creepshow, congratulate Keith on his Mad Libs' skills and check out his work!
~VK
The redundant, rigor-mortis-induced, mottled purple Fairly Oddparent galloped up the hill to visit the feverish Princess. Unfortunately, the Princess was out whimpering over word counts, so the Fairly Oddparent went to Anchorage, Alaska and made some illustrious Starbucks.
While the other two submissions were hilarious in their own right, I had to go with Keith's for two reasons:
1) "whimpering over word counts" made me laugh out loud every time I read it
2) For some reason, I like to think that this is how Sarah Palin got to Alaska
Now, to the victor go the spoils! While I don't have much in the way of swag, I will gladly post a shout out for Keith's blog, "The Midnight Creepshow." From Keith's profile - Forty something, once was Dick Smith student now living the dream with my family on our horse farm. Hoping to be a published writer someday and a collected artist perhaps.
It's a fairly new blog with some promising writing by way of his short story, "Last Stop." And Keith clearly has good taste in horror movies, as his blog post shows. So stop by The Midnight Creepshow, congratulate Keith on his Mad Libs' skills and check out his work!
~VK
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Vote for the Winner of Mad Libs!
On Friday, I asked for volunteers from the viewing audience to submit ten words to be plugged into a Mad Libs story. I only received 3 submissions, so I'll be able to show you all of them today. I'd imagine most of you had better things to do like visit with family, hit the beach or...eat 62 hot dogs in 10 minutes.
America is gross.
Anyway, here is the following basic template I had for the Mad Lib:
The (1)(2)(3) climbed the hill to (4) the (5) Princess. Unfortunately, the Princess was out (6)(7), so (3) went to (8) and made some (9)(10).
And here is my harmless story that went along with it:
The scaly green dragon climbed the hill to visit the lonely Princess. Unfortunately, the Princess was out collecting flowers, so the dragon went home and made some delicious tea.
Perfectly fine, although a bit boring. Now, with a few minor grammatical tweaks by me, let's take a look at what our contestants wanted to do with the Princess:
1) The redundant, rigor-mortis-induced, mottled purple Fairly Oddparent galloped up the hill to visit the feverish Princess. Unfortunately, the Princess was out whimpering over word counts, so the Fairly Oddparent went to Anchorage, Alaska and made some illustrious Starbucks.
2) The swell, scarlet chupacabra climbed the hill to chew the lawless Princess. Unfortunately, the Princess was out painting onions, so the chupacabra went to the barbershop and made some comfortable gillyweed.
3) The voracious, macaroni-and-cheese-colored General Sherman climbed the hill to swallow the pleasing Princess. Unfortunately, the Princess was out stroking fingers, so General Sherman went behind the couch and made some dominating roofie-coladas.
The fun thing about Mad Libs is how quickly they can turn inappropriate.
So now it's up to YOU to determine which version is the best! Please vote by putting your order (Best > Okay > Worst) in the comments section. Also, please let me know if you'd like to do future Mad Libs!
And a happy belated 4th of July everyone!
~VK
America is gross.
Anyway, here is the following basic template I had for the Mad Lib:
The (1)(2)(3) climbed the hill to (4) the (5) Princess. Unfortunately, the Princess was out (6)(7), so (3) went to (8) and made some (9)(10).
And here is my harmless story that went along with it:
The scaly green dragon climbed the hill to visit the lonely Princess. Unfortunately, the Princess was out collecting flowers, so the dragon went home and made some delicious tea.
Perfectly fine, although a bit boring. Now, with a few minor grammatical tweaks by me, let's take a look at what our contestants wanted to do with the Princess:
1) The redundant, rigor-mortis-induced, mottled purple Fairly Oddparent galloped up the hill to visit the feverish Princess. Unfortunately, the Princess was out whimpering over word counts, so the Fairly Oddparent went to Anchorage, Alaska and made some illustrious Starbucks.
2) The swell, scarlet chupacabra climbed the hill to chew the lawless Princess. Unfortunately, the Princess was out painting onions, so the chupacabra went to the barbershop and made some comfortable gillyweed.
3) The voracious, macaroni-and-cheese-colored General Sherman climbed the hill to swallow the pleasing Princess. Unfortunately, the Princess was out stroking fingers, so General Sherman went behind the couch and made some dominating roofie-coladas.
The fun thing about Mad Libs is how quickly they can turn inappropriate.
So now it's up to YOU to determine which version is the best! Please vote by putting your order (Best > Okay > Worst) in the comments section. Also, please let me know if you'd like to do future Mad Libs!
And a happy belated 4th of July everyone!
~VK
Friday, July 1, 2011
Play Mad Libs with Vincent Kale!
You may have heard the news that earlier this month that Leonard Stern, co-creator of Mad Libs, had passed away. In honor of his memory (and all the great times I had as a young writerlet filling out pages of Mad Libs), I thought we'd play a version of the game today.
For those poor souls out there who have never played Mad Libs, it's quite simple! I'll give you a list of parts of speech and you pick a word that matches that category. Then I'll use your words to fill in the blanks of an already scripted story. Piece of cake, right? But creativity is key, here. So if I ask for a color and you say, "Yellow," that's fine, I guess...if you want to be boring. But if you say "schoolbus yellow" or "jaundiced-liver yellow," then things will get more interesting. Ready?
1) adjective
2) color
3) noun (creature)
4) verb
5) adjective
6) verb
7) plural noun
8) noun (place)
9) adjective
10) noun (food or drink)
Leave your answers (*with corresponding numbers please!*) in the comments section below. At the end of the day (or weekend, depending on # of responses), I'll post the winner and honorable mentions! The winner gets everlasting and immortal fame on the interwebs! That do anything for ya? Eh, maybe I'll see if I can sweeten the deal a little. Have at it!
~VK
For those poor souls out there who have never played Mad Libs, it's quite simple! I'll give you a list of parts of speech and you pick a word that matches that category. Then I'll use your words to fill in the blanks of an already scripted story. Piece of cake, right? But creativity is key, here. So if I ask for a color and you say, "Yellow," that's fine, I guess...if you want to be boring. But if you say "schoolbus yellow" or "jaundiced-liver yellow," then things will get more interesting. Ready?
1) adjective
2) color
3) noun (creature)
4) verb
5) adjective
6) verb
7) plural noun
8) noun (place)
9) adjective
10) noun (food or drink)
Leave your answers (*with corresponding numbers please!*) in the comments section below. At the end of the day (or weekend, depending on # of responses), I'll post the winner and honorable mentions! The winner gets everlasting and immortal fame on the interwebs! That do anything for ya? Eh, maybe I'll see if I can sweeten the deal a little. Have at it!
~VK
Thursday, June 30, 2011
How Writing Code Can Help You Write Better Books
I have two confessions for you today:
1) I'm fascinated by computers
2) I often use computers to distract myself from things like...editing.
Case in point:
As it turns out, computers are not as complicated as you might think. The general public probably considers their computer to be somewhat of a black box, possibly with miniature elves inside that toil away at your every command. I can assure you, the inside of your computer is relatively simple and elf-free; even I was able to build one from scratch. Programs, or more specifically the programming language, can be completely insane.
Let me stress, I'm no expert in writing code...far from it. The extent of my skills barely goes past "Let me Google that for you." But like I said earlier, this stuff interests me. So the other day I was messing around with a basic tutorial for a programming language called Ruby. At the end of the walkthrough, they have you type in code for a rudimentary program that is essentially a number guessing game. I copied the code exactly. My program failed.
After going over the code again (thankfully it was only a few lines), I found the culprit: a missing space. That's all it takes to confuse your simple minded computer: a space out of place. (Remember this the next time your computer or other device isn't doing what you want it to. The order of blame usually goes: Yourself -> the programmer -> the device manufacturer.) So I fixed the errant space and voila! A number guessing game!
So what does all this have to do with writing better books? Well, I like to think of it this way. If you don't have quite the right phrasing, character or formatting in your code, your computer will just sit there with a dumb look on its monitor and flash you the message, "I don't get it." The program won't run until you get it just right. When you DO get it right, programmer and computer will have that "Aha!" moment.
Now, think about a particular scene or description from a story that really resonated with you. Chances are, that author picked that section of writing apart word by word to make sure they got the intended message across. Or they are just supremely talented and everything that flows from their fingertips is instant gold. More than likely, they had a few editors, fact checkers, assistants, spouses, friends, etc reading along to make sure everything was clear.
This is my new Zen moment when it comes to editing my novels. If I take the time to go through it line by line, my readers stand a better chance of actually understanding what I'm trying to say...unless I get distracted. Ooo, moar kittenz!
~VK
1) I'm fascinated by computers
2) I often use computers to distract myself from things like...editing.
Case in point:
As it turns out, computers are not as complicated as you might think. The general public probably considers their computer to be somewhat of a black box, possibly with miniature elves inside that toil away at your every command. I can assure you, the inside of your computer is relatively simple and elf-free; even I was able to build one from scratch. Programs, or more specifically the programming language, can be completely insane.
Let me stress, I'm no expert in writing code...far from it. The extent of my skills barely goes past "Let me Google that for you." But like I said earlier, this stuff interests me. So the other day I was messing around with a basic tutorial for a programming language called Ruby. At the end of the walkthrough, they have you type in code for a rudimentary program that is essentially a number guessing game. I copied the code exactly. My program failed.
After going over the code again (thankfully it was only a few lines), I found the culprit: a missing space. That's all it takes to confuse your simple minded computer: a space out of place. (Remember this the next time your computer or other device isn't doing what you want it to. The order of blame usually goes: Yourself -> the programmer -> the device manufacturer.) So I fixed the errant space and voila! A number guessing game!
So what does all this have to do with writing better books? Well, I like to think of it this way. If you don't have quite the right phrasing, character or formatting in your code, your computer will just sit there with a dumb look on its monitor and flash you the message, "I don't get it." The program won't run until you get it just right. When you DO get it right, programmer and computer will have that "Aha!" moment.
Now, think about a particular scene or description from a story that really resonated with you. Chances are, that author picked that section of writing apart word by word to make sure they got the intended message across. Or they are just supremely talented and everything that flows from their fingertips is instant gold. More than likely, they had a few editors, fact checkers, assistants, spouses, friends, etc reading along to make sure everything was clear.
This is my new Zen moment when it comes to editing my novels. If I take the time to go through it line by line, my readers stand a better chance of actually understanding what I'm trying to say...unless I get distracted. Ooo, moar kittenz!
~VK
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
"Indigo" Goes to Turks & Caicos! "Crawl" Goes to the Beach (Again)!
You may remember a few short months ago when my friends, who we'll call Mr. and Mrs. Vacation, took a copy of "Crawl" with them to Cancun. Didn't you see this lovely picture?
Well as it turns out, Mr. and Mrs. Vacation are living up to their names! They recently returned from what I'm sure was a stressful and unenjoyable jaunt to Turks and Caicos. Luckily for me, they each took their very own copy of "Indigo" with them. Here's Mr. Vacation with the photographic evidence:
Just to clarify: a) that is NOT me and b) sorry ladies, he is taken.
And, not to be outdone, a copy of "Crawl" went on yet ANOTHER sandy beach vacation without me. This photo comes courtesy of another wonderful friend of mine and her new husband, so I will call them Mr. and Mrs. Honeymoon from here on out. Have a look!
Well as it turns out, Mr. and Mrs. Vacation are living up to their names! They recently returned from what I'm sure was a stressful and unenjoyable jaunt to Turks and Caicos. Luckily for me, they each took their very own copy of "Indigo" with them. Here's Mr. Vacation with the photographic evidence:
Just to clarify: a) that is NOT me and b) sorry ladies, he is taken.
And, not to be outdone, a copy of "Crawl" went on yet ANOTHER sandy beach vacation without me. This photo comes courtesy of another wonderful friend of mine and her new husband, so I will call them Mr. and Mrs. Honeymoon from here on out. Have a look!
Monday, June 27, 2011
My Review of David Moody's "Dog Blood"
Before reading my review, please keep two things in mind:
1) This is a sequel to the novel "Hater" so the review will obviously be filled with spoilers. You can check out my "Hater" review here or go to the customer reviews on Amazon's product page.
2) As this is the second part of a trilogy, I will reserve my final judgement of the series until I finish the third book, "Them or Us." On to the review!
"Dog Blood" picks up more or less where "Hater" left off. The world is in chaos, all semblance of life as we know it has been erased and the fighting continues between the Haters and the Unchanged. Danny McCoyne is still searching for his daughter, Ellis, who he believes is a Hater like himself. He vowed to find her at the end of "Hater" and the majority of "Dog Blood" revolves around this objective.
While "Hater" allowed McCoyne's character to develop into the Hater that we know and love, "Dog Blood" takes us through his transition from the old world to the new world. Along the way he must once again make difficult choices and decide whether to hold on to the past or embrace this new future. As it was one of Moody's writing strengths in "Hater," the ambiguity of right and wrong is paramount in the sequel. Needless to say, McCoyne's myopic quest to find his daughter anchors his old world role as a father and family man, though all the Haters around him urge him to let the past (and his daughter) go. As with his decisions in "Hater," McCoyne follows his instincts, but rarely makes the right choice in "Dog Blood." Or perhaps, he at least makes some choice in a no-win situation.
Though McCoyne's quest is the heart of "Dog Blood," there is a side story as well. As Moody introduced random scenes of violence throughout "Hater" to show the degrading state of society, in "Dog Blood" he shows us the living conditions of the common people in the days of the war. They live in squalor, stuffed into overcrowded shelters and given meager rations by the army who protects them. These side chapters conjure the negative aspects of socialism, overpopulation and militaristic internment camps. Things are not going well for the Unchanged and the Haters know it.
While the Unchanged rely on their military might to see them through the war, Moody introduces different specialized classes of Haters in "Dog Blood." There are the normal Haters, who I call the "grunts," the everyman soldiers. Then there are the "Brutes," who Moody calls by name. They are seen too rarely, in my opinion, but are unstoppable killing machines that may even mistakenly kill their own kind in their bloodlust. Then there are the upper echelon of the Haters, those who can "hold their Hate." I call these the "brains," like the enigmatic man known as Sahota and, eventually, McCoyne himself. Lastly, there are the children, who Moody stresses throughout the book as the key to the Haters' victory. It's not until the last few chapters that we see how ruthless and relentless young Haters can really be.
"Dog Blood" is a worthy sequel to "Hater," though it does falter a bit in the middle book slump. Unchanged characters are introduced to serve as a reveal for easily the book's best surprise, but there is no payoff for becoming invested in these characters (though that will hopefully come in the final installment).
In my opinion, there were a few missed opportunities that I hope to see explored in "Them or Us." A lot of attention was paid to the deteriorating condition of the common people under this new regime, but I would have liked to have seen a contrast with some well-off people managing to secure a few niceties for themselves. Also, an Unchanged "hero" (or at least a right nasty piece of work), be he citizen or soldier that was more than just a faceless militant, someone to hold a mirror up to McCoyne. Oh, and as I already mentioned, I could have used another scene or two with the Brutes.
Overall, I think "Dog Blood" is an excellent successor to "Hater." The payoff in the end may not be what you'd expect, but if you've invested yourself in Danny McCoyne's story then I think you will be interested to see where he ends up. I have high hopes for "Them or Us" and I'm waiting for all Hell to break loose!
~VK
1) This is a sequel to the novel "Hater" so the review will obviously be filled with spoilers. You can check out my "Hater" review here or go to the customer reviews on Amazon's product page.
2) As this is the second part of a trilogy, I will reserve my final judgement of the series until I finish the third book, "Them or Us." On to the review!
"Dog Blood" picks up more or less where "Hater" left off. The world is in chaos, all semblance of life as we know it has been erased and the fighting continues between the Haters and the Unchanged. Danny McCoyne is still searching for his daughter, Ellis, who he believes is a Hater like himself. He vowed to find her at the end of "Hater" and the majority of "Dog Blood" revolves around this objective.
While "Hater" allowed McCoyne's character to develop into the Hater that we know and love, "Dog Blood" takes us through his transition from the old world to the new world. Along the way he must once again make difficult choices and decide whether to hold on to the past or embrace this new future. As it was one of Moody's writing strengths in "Hater," the ambiguity of right and wrong is paramount in the sequel. Needless to say, McCoyne's myopic quest to find his daughter anchors his old world role as a father and family man, though all the Haters around him urge him to let the past (and his daughter) go. As with his decisions in "Hater," McCoyne follows his instincts, but rarely makes the right choice in "Dog Blood." Or perhaps, he at least makes some choice in a no-win situation.
Though McCoyne's quest is the heart of "Dog Blood," there is a side story as well. As Moody introduced random scenes of violence throughout "Hater" to show the degrading state of society, in "Dog Blood" he shows us the living conditions of the common people in the days of the war. They live in squalor, stuffed into overcrowded shelters and given meager rations by the army who protects them. These side chapters conjure the negative aspects of socialism, overpopulation and militaristic internment camps. Things are not going well for the Unchanged and the Haters know it.
While the Unchanged rely on their military might to see them through the war, Moody introduces different specialized classes of Haters in "Dog Blood." There are the normal Haters, who I call the "grunts," the everyman soldiers. Then there are the "Brutes," who Moody calls by name. They are seen too rarely, in my opinion, but are unstoppable killing machines that may even mistakenly kill their own kind in their bloodlust. Then there are the upper echelon of the Haters, those who can "hold their Hate." I call these the "brains," like the enigmatic man known as Sahota and, eventually, McCoyne himself. Lastly, there are the children, who Moody stresses throughout the book as the key to the Haters' victory. It's not until the last few chapters that we see how ruthless and relentless young Haters can really be.
"Dog Blood" is a worthy sequel to "Hater," though it does falter a bit in the middle book slump. Unchanged characters are introduced to serve as a reveal for easily the book's best surprise, but there is no payoff for becoming invested in these characters (though that will hopefully come in the final installment).
In my opinion, there were a few missed opportunities that I hope to see explored in "Them or Us." A lot of attention was paid to the deteriorating condition of the common people under this new regime, but I would have liked to have seen a contrast with some well-off people managing to secure a few niceties for themselves. Also, an Unchanged "hero" (or at least a right nasty piece of work), be he citizen or soldier that was more than just a faceless militant, someone to hold a mirror up to McCoyne. Oh, and as I already mentioned, I could have used another scene or two with the Brutes.
Overall, I think "Dog Blood" is an excellent successor to "Hater." The payoff in the end may not be what you'd expect, but if you've invested yourself in Danny McCoyne's story then I think you will be interested to see where he ends up. I have high hopes for "Them or Us" and I'm waiting for all Hell to break loose!
~VK
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